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Am I good enough?

Fleur Dash • 27 May 2021

For those of us who need to know they are good enough.



Don’t you feel sometimes you just need a little reminder that you are doing alright? That all the effort is actually worth it? That you are a good person, valid and significant? Do you sometimes have an annoying voice that creeps in making you think that no matter what, you will never be good enough?

I hate that voice! I fight with that voice! So many of us have to battle this voice on a daily basis, and if this sounds familiar to you, then I want to say, you are doing FANTASTICALLY!!! Because if you are fighting the voice, this means you are doubting what it says, complete proof that you actually KNOW deep down that you ARE GOOD ENOUGH!

Sometimes this truth can feel very deep down, hidden under layers and layers of negative thoughts and lack of confidence.  Sometimes it can feel impossible to battle the voice. 

I know those negative thoughts are so real.  They are not silly, or you’re not overreacting, those thoughts really do seem to take over don’t they?

Can I  just ask you to think, what does “good enough”  look like to you?

What would it take for you to stand in front of that mirror and be able to say “I am good enough”?

Is “good enough” based on other people’s expectations that you think they have? Do you presume that people expect you to be a certain way, and that is “good enough”? Or is “good enough” an actual goal you’ve given yourself?

If you’re thinking ‘I don’t know’ (what's this crazy lady going on about!) try and think about a time when you did something that was “good enough”?  How did you know it was good?  Remember what that feeling felt like, the facial expressions it gave you, the hope it left in your heart.  What have you done recently where this was present?  What does that tell you? 

The thing about “good enough” is it is different for every one of us.  What makes me good enough is different for you and it can change every single day and build over time. The only expectations that truly matter are the ones that matter to you!!! We can spend our whole lives trying to mould ourselves to be how we think people might want us to be, and this is so exhausting! Trying to second  guess how we should act, dress, talk means that we are constantly TRYING rather than just BEING.

I’m not saying it’s easy to turn off these thoughts, but seeing them as what they are, thoughts not facts or realities can really help! When these thoughts come, take a breath, and try to think about something else for a moment. Maybe say “I’m not good enough at that, YET” and think about how you would like to improve in that area. Then think about all of the things that you do well, the things in your life you are proud of. With everything that you are managing right now, all that you are working through, and all those things that you have achieved. 

Just the act of thinking these things is proof, YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH!

🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈


by Fleur Dash 16 December 2024
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by Fleur Dash 26 August 2024
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by Fleur Dash 18 June 2024
Smiling is not something we learn to do, it comes completely naturally as it is a behaviour passed down through our evolution. It is thought to have originated over 30 million years ago and was used by apes and monkeys as a way of showing potential predators they were harmless. The smile we know today is the universal sign of happiness. It is one of the first expressions made by babies innately. . The baby is usually rewarded for this smile with mirroring smiles, love and attention. The behaviour becomes reinforced with feelings of pleasure and safety. This is true of all babies regardless of culture and environment, as Paul Ekman (the world’s leading expert on facial expressions) discovered; smiling is a basic and biological uniform human expression. Charles Darwin, who in addition to theorising on evolution in The Origin of the Species , also developed the Facial Feedback Response Theory, which suggests that the act of smiling actually makes us feel better (rather than smiling being a result of feeling good). When our brains feel happy we produce neurotransmitters that make us feel good. Dopamine, serotonin and endorphins are released transmitting neural signals to your facial muscles to trigger a smile. The release of serotonin with a smile is nature's own anti-depressant. It helps give our mood a lift in the same way the prescribed medication works by increasing the level of serotonin in the brain. Smiling stimulates our brain's reward mechanisms in a way that even chocolate can’t match. British researchers found that one smile can provide the same level of brain stimulation as up to 2,000 chocolate bars and can be as stimulating as receiving up to £16,000. The smile can be thought of as an “anchor”, it is a feeling that has been anchored to a particular group of muscles that is triggered when we use them. I’m sure you have put a smile on your face to help you to enter a room or when meeting someone new. This is because you get the same benefits when you actually force yourself to smile as you do when you smile naturally, this feeling encourages us when we need a boost. We create anchors unconsciously all the time when we assign meaning to a particular sensation, such as when a song always reminds you of a certain memory or person. Anchors are a very useful tool I use with my clients as we can learn to connect other feelings to other triggers on the body. By thinking about a calm time using all of our senses, we create a strong emotional link to that feeling of calm . Doing this while squeezing our fingers or holding our wrists literally makes a physical connection to that emotion. Repeating this over and over makes a new neural path in the brain, thus making a new anchor. The brain can only focus on a handful of items of information at any time (around 7), so while it is concentrating and recalling calm , it is unable to connect with any other input such as stress or worry. This is a brilliant way to train the brain into being in your control, thinking of happy thoughts and letting go of everything else.
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