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Are you On Autopilot?

James Banfield • 10 February 2022

Are you just on autopilot?

Research shows that by the age of about 30, people are unconscious 95% of the time. This is because our bodies are so used to our routines that they know them better than we do. A good example of this in action is when most people can’t remember their bank pin number mentally. They say that they need to have the key pad in front of them. Or they arrive at their destination and can’t remember the car journey. This is because our bodies know the action or route so well, that they take over without us having to be consciously in control. Now consider that most of your day we run on similar programs. You are effectively on auto-pilot most of the time, so what happens when you introduce something new and you haven’t planned it properly, or don’t put a structured routine in place? Well eventually your body will take over and run its usual patterns. Have you ever caught yourself saying, “I must go to the gym this week!” In that moment you really mean it, because you were having a conscious moment. But as the week goes on and you go back onto autopilot, it just doesn’t happen. Another example of this would be when you say to your self that you need to stop at the shop on the way home because you need some milk, and then you completely forget. Don’t worry you aren’t losing your memory – you are just not present, and your unconscious (the body) has taken over.

How to stick to your New Year’s resolutions

So, what is the answer? You have to get really organised and set a clear intention/goal. Create set days and times to work on it, and put things in place to help you stick to it. You have to make that goal as important as anything else that you do regularly, and be consistent with it until it becomes a new program – you wouldn’t forget to brush your teeth (hopefully 😉). 

But what I am about to discuss goes a lot deeper and doesn’t just explain why resolutions don’t work. It also explains why people can get stuck in destructive patterns for their whole lives, if they aren’t aware of what I am about to discuss.

The truth is most people are NOT dealing with the root cause of their problems. Instead they are focusing on the surface level symptoms or habits that result from a much deeper problem, which they may not even be aware of. As I stated above people run on programs, most of which are learned before they are about 8 years old. This is important to know because the experiences and development in those early years form the beliefs and programs that will shape the rest of our lives.

In addition to their obvious needs like food and sleep, a child also has two main psychological needs. Love/connection and validation/self-expression. But it’s stressful being a parent. There is no official handbook, and it’s often impossible to meet a child’s needs 100% of the time. All you can do is your best, and in most cases the child grows into a healthy adult. However, it is highly likely that in that time some limiting beliefs or programs have been formed. The reason is that the human brain is not fully developed until the age of about 21. Therefore, it is very easy for a young child to misperceive a situation, and create an unhealthy meaning around it (like a divorce or heated argument). Sadly children often make these issues mean something about them, because the alternative is that their parents aren’t who they thought they were (safe, role models..). So, they often turn on themselves and create a belief that they are in some way to blame. The most common limiting belief that I come across in most of my clients is that, “I am not enough” or “I am unlovable”. This belief becomes the underlying context of their entire life, even if they are not consciously aware of it.

Let’s look at a typical example of the annual cycle of a person with the belief that they are unlovable. (This cycle could actually be happening multiple times throughout the year).


You can clearly see that the person is NOT addressing the root cause of their problems. They generally focus on cutting out the coping strategies, and wonder why they have no willpower to stay off them. This just compounds the problem, because now they feel guilty or like a failure, and it confirms their belief – How could anyone love me…

If you are reading this and thinking – that’s me. Don’t be so hard on yourself! If you don’t know what the root cause is, then you can’t help falling into the trap. You certainly aren’t alone either, most people have limiting beliefs or some kind of emotional baggage – it's what makes us human.

Thankfully there is a way of breaking free from this cycle – seek professional help. Why can’t I just sort this out on my own, you may be thinking? Well there are two reasons – firstly you are in it, and unable to be objective. Secondly the problem is unconscious. This means that no matter how positive or logical you try to be about solving it, your triggers will fire and you will most likely sabotage yourself when you are under stress (we are running those unconscious programs most of the time remember). The good news is that with modern day approaches like hypnotherapy, you can sort these issues out in just a few sessions, and you won’t even need to talk in detail about your childhood. But make sure you find the right practitioner. Someone that you can trust (a recommendation from a friend is always a good idea, and check their qualifications & testimonials).

You really can let go of these beliefs and programs forever, but you have to be honest with yourself and make a firm decision that you have had enough. Invest in yourself and I promise you that you will never look back!

If you want more advice on achieving your goals this year, then get in touch!

by Fleur Dash 16 December 2024
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by Fleur Dash 26 August 2024
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by Fleur Dash 18 June 2024
Smiling is not something we learn to do, it comes completely naturally as it is a behaviour passed down through our evolution. It is thought to have originated over 30 million years ago and was used by apes and monkeys as a way of showing potential predators they were harmless. The smile we know today is the universal sign of happiness. It is one of the first expressions made by babies innately. . The baby is usually rewarded for this smile with mirroring smiles, love and attention. The behaviour becomes reinforced with feelings of pleasure and safety. This is true of all babies regardless of culture and environment, as Paul Ekman (the world’s leading expert on facial expressions) discovered; smiling is a basic and biological uniform human expression. Charles Darwin, who in addition to theorising on evolution in The Origin of the Species , also developed the Facial Feedback Response Theory, which suggests that the act of smiling actually makes us feel better (rather than smiling being a result of feeling good). When our brains feel happy we produce neurotransmitters that make us feel good. Dopamine, serotonin and endorphins are released transmitting neural signals to your facial muscles to trigger a smile. The release of serotonin with a smile is nature's own anti-depressant. It helps give our mood a lift in the same way the prescribed medication works by increasing the level of serotonin in the brain. Smiling stimulates our brain's reward mechanisms in a way that even chocolate can’t match. British researchers found that one smile can provide the same level of brain stimulation as up to 2,000 chocolate bars and can be as stimulating as receiving up to £16,000. The smile can be thought of as an “anchor”, it is a feeling that has been anchored to a particular group of muscles that is triggered when we use them. I’m sure you have put a smile on your face to help you to enter a room or when meeting someone new. This is because you get the same benefits when you actually force yourself to smile as you do when you smile naturally, this feeling encourages us when we need a boost. We create anchors unconsciously all the time when we assign meaning to a particular sensation, such as when a song always reminds you of a certain memory or person. Anchors are a very useful tool I use with my clients as we can learn to connect other feelings to other triggers on the body. By thinking about a calm time using all of our senses, we create a strong emotional link to that feeling of calm . Doing this while squeezing our fingers or holding our wrists literally makes a physical connection to that emotion. Repeating this over and over makes a new neural path in the brain, thus making a new anchor. The brain can only focus on a handful of items of information at any time (around 7), so while it is concentrating and recalling calm , it is unable to connect with any other input such as stress or worry. This is a brilliant way to train the brain into being in your control, thinking of happy thoughts and letting go of everything else.
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